Xoxo, Mary & Mira’s Hair.

Hey you guys, today MTTT has a special guest, the author of  Santa vs Satan.

Thinking of you.

Nothing commemorates the holidays like Dad doing something REALLY psychologically damaging to Daughter during her childhood and meatloaf goes a long way towards healing years of  emotional turmoil and inexorable self-destructive behavior.

MOUTH RAPE WON!

Q: Guess who’s in the Meat Packing District?

A:

For the last two weeks our blog has been steadily disappointing people looking for ebony and ivory porn.

Did you know that I was in Chicago all weekend? Probably not because you were too busy not losing your keys at this wedding.

Here is where I illustrate the fun I had by posting pictures I took with my phone and adding contrived puns as captions. (BLOGGA WHAT?)

Frushi aka only people from Portland would spend $7 on this.

Wiener Circle aka a perfect blend of 3am hunger and $15 white guilt.

The Signature Room aka 30% of Chicago’s Tourism Revenue.

The Hideout aka a bar on the west side of Chicago that resembles the living room on Sanford and Son, it neighbors a 15 foot barbwire fence which surrounds the Chicago City Dump. Not pictured is the hobo slumbering atop a dump truck roof , he awoke long enough to yell “you suck” at us before rolling over and going back to sleep. Also not pictured is the Hideout.

The Hollywood Grill aka where men drunk enough to eat over half of a breakfast burrito using only a serrated steak knife come to eat breakfast burritos.

My entry to the Sexy Agency’s Annual Pie Contest needs a name. Help.

Mouth Rape: Your Mouth Says “No” But Your Taste Buds Say “OH MY FUCK, THAT PIE’S GOOD!!

Smart. I think the Drakkar Noir-infused whipped topping is what’s going to bump Mouth Rape from third degree to first.

Your tongue shouldn’t have worn that dress…it was just asking for seconds.

Maybe I can find a way to bake a hackneyed Roman Polanski joke in my entry.

Here is future me with my future trophy:

 

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TGIF YOU GUYS!

Things My Boyfriend Says #2

Stranger: I really like your beard. It looks good on you.

Boyfriend: Thanks.

(Waits until stranger is out of earshot, leans over)

Boyfriend: He was talking about you.

This is your dad’s boyfriend. You guys are best friends. He takes you fishing. You want to be him when you grow up.