re: hey guys

  HAPPY 4TH OF JULY YOU GUYS!

re: shiney

Financial crisis SOLVED!

401K SAVED!

Savings account REPLENISHED!

Let’s take a trip to the Dominican Republic and freebase our body weight in 100% uncut yayo whilst having unprotected sex with “waitresses” because we are going to have more than enough money to escape the consequences.

I’d take a closer look at Bong Hits sustainable spending budgetary plans before you start celebrating that 401K return…

 

SHIT…just found his Universal Healthcare Plan…

Uhhh…perhaps I should have specified that said URL would be worth it’s weight in gold once we sold it.

 

Oh…well then…shit…THIS is awkward…how about we just post up this pic and have Keyboard Cat play us off?

Our most meta post to date.

re: B.C.R.E.A.M.

(Business Casual Rules Everything Around Me)

At the “urban” Goodwill right next to the “urban” mall, I found proof that the government aren’t the only people trying to keep the “urban” man down with this hanging on the wall underneath an overhanging banner reading “For the Job Interview”
Um…no.  Unless you’re looking for a job as a professional shanker, um…no.  But also…no.

 

As soon as I read your email I raced over to the “urban” Goodwill to check out what else they had to help me get ahead in life (since I already have a job). I found this little number underneath an overhanging banner reading “For the Catalina Wine Mixer”.

 

re: 9 and 1/2 months

Try to improve on this! TRY!

Mellisa Williamson worried if her local Carl’s Jr. Pre-natal Western Burgers will be released in time for her baby?

Mellisa Williamson worried if there is enough nicotine in her cigarette?

Mellisa Williamson worried about the Supreme Court’s decision about Prop. 8 and all the queer children it’ll produce?

Mellisa Williamson thinks smoking makes you look cool to teenagers?

I CAN’T DO IT THAT CAPTION IS THE MOST FUCKING PERFECT THING!!!!!

Mellisa Williamson worried that she spells her name like an idiot.

 

re: Whadda a scoop!

NEWSFLASH: Onion staff writer moonlights, writing headlines for CNN.

Why doesn’t anyone find this as funny as I do?

Because people are worried about more important stuff right now, OKAY?

Cobrasnake’s van has been parked across the street from my hotel for the past two nights. If you see my face on the side of a kombucha bottle you know what happened.

re: Chicken or Egg

This morning I got into a black car with tinted windows and a stranger behind the wheel. He lured me into the backseat with this candy. I had to pay him money before he would let me out of the car.

I wonder what percentage of each fare LA Town Car has to pay to Kidnapping Inc in royalties?

Are those Werther’s Original’s?  Was my grandpa driving you?  

Yes and I’m not sure. How Spanish is your grandpa?

Megan’s boyfriend is your grandpa?

 

re: Going Places

I am bad at Hollywood.

INT.    SANTA MONICA EDIT HOUSE    DAY

                                                       ME

(Standing next to million dollar coffee machine, waiting for what I hope is liquid gold to come out.)

                                            TARSEM SINGH

(Also standing next to coffee machine)

                                                      ME

(I don’t know who Tarsem Singh is)

Tarsem next to a coffee machine. Shyamalan at a movie premiere. Kumar at a White Castle. They all look like Ben Kingsley to me too, GRRL.

Once again my problems have been solved by a blog embracing minimalist design.

Curry & Bedazzled foreheads does not an embraceable blog make. Is this post considered racist yet or should we keep going?

Right now our post is lingering on “edgy”. I think we need at least one more hackneyed generalization with racial overtones before Megan is offended.

Dirka Dirka?

I think we can consider ourselves uninvited from the next party at the Glitter Factory.

 

re: Private Eyes

SIV is the new HIV.

Except the swine influenza virus has been around since 1976 and therecognition of a pattern of HIV infections didn’t occur until 1983.

CALL THE DEAN OF DETECTIVE SCHOOL: Case closed.

Wait What Huh… so now the only way I can get this whole swine flu thing is through unprotected anal sex or by playing basketball with Magic Johnson?

Acronyms that end in “virus” is confusing to myself.

According to Old Man Benedict XVI you can also get the swine flu from using a public toilet and by being friends with someone who is a homosexual.

This pope hates off-Broadway musical theatre FO’ SHO’!

TYLER IS ON VACATION: DAY 4

For all the mac daddies and daddy macs.

TYLER IS ON VACATION: DAY 3

There will definitely be blood (maybe).