Hey you guys, today MTTT has a special guest, the author of Santa vs Satan.
Thinking of you.
Nothing commemorates the holidays like Dad doing something REALLY psychologically damaging to Daughter during her childhood and meatloaf goes a long way towards healing years of emotional turmoil and inexorable self-destructive behavior.
Those poor chic-bastard’s penises won’t be able to feel a damn thing!!!
Once the post-modern heterosexual’s Ove Glove, now simply an entry on Bristol Palin’s X-Mas Wish List, immediately following “Time Machine” and “Sparkly Headband”.
For the last two weeks our blog has been steadily disappointing people looking for ebony and ivory porn.
I’m appalled…if I ever wanted to be anything it would be a misleading hub for “Old Dicks, Hot Chicks”. I believe we have half our problem solved right here.
I’ll do you one better and add “Sir Lady Gaga Megan Fox John McCain threesome” to all of our image tags so we list better in the AARP Romance/ Boring Stories Of When We Were Your Age Section.
Did you know that I was in Chicago all weekend? Probably not because you were too busy not losing your keys at this wedding.
Here is where I illustrate the fun I had by posting pictures I took with my phone and adding contrived puns as captions. (BLOGGA WHAT?)
Frushi aka only people from Portland would spend $7 on this.
Wiener Circle aka a perfect blend of 3am hunger and $15 white guilt. The Signature Room aka 30% of Chicago’s Tourism Revenue. The Hideout aka a bar on the west side of Chicago that resembles the living room on Sanford and Son, it neighbors a 15 foot barbwire fence which surrounds the Chicago City Dump. Not pictured is the hobo slumbering atop a dump truck roof , he awoke long enough to yell “you suck” at us before rolling over and going back to sleep. Also not pictured is the Hideout. The Hollywood Grill aka where men drunk enough to eat over half of a breakfast burrito using only a serrated steak knife come to eat breakfast burritos.
so THAT’S where my keys are…thanks.
What were you up to last weekend again? I lost my keys.
A friend of a friend saw this a few years ago at Sundance and predicted Danny McBride would be the next big nobody-to-become-somebody-due-to-right-place-right-time-syndrome-and-as-a-result-can-afford-the-new-famous-person-hobby-of-washing-ones-hands-with-humpback-whale-infused-liquid-soap-before-drying-them-on-snow-tiger-suede-disposable-towels.
umYEAHduh…
http://www.hbo.com/eastboundanddown/
…and Observe & Report was supposed to star McBride but the studios wouldn’t make the film without a bigger name so they went with Seth Rogen…
I’m sorry, but I have to turn in my resignation to write here on Mary Talks To Tyler bc I have to go accept another position as “President of Hard-To-Reach Scrubs” at cleaningDannyMcBride’swonderfulballs.org and then take a nap while starring longingly, with lips pursed, at a Danny McBride poster hanging above my bed…hoping the tape won’t hold.
I always knew he’d be good at something but I never knew he’d be fucking great at everything.
The position of “Secretary of Towel Dry” is still available…